If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
