I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
