Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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