dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
