Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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