and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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