i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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