summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
