im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
