I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
