This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
