i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
