We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
