I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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