I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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