once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
