did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
