I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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