Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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