What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
