Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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