UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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