my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
