Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
