Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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