best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
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In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
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God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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