it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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