My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Pooping to opera.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
