Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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