My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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