i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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