Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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