Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
