No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
