why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
