Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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