I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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