I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
