Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
