I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
