I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
