Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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