I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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