im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
