the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
