Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
