Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i dont even know how to be here
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
