just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
this hospital has no fireball
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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