Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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