You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
