Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
