I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
