Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
no you cant smoke seaweed
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
