I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
