I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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