My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
