You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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