why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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