that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
