I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
