if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
