I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
